Cultural Exchanges

Eureka! Here’s an idea that could keep everyone happy.

During the Cold War, NATO countries and the Warsaw Pact countries swapped spies over the Glienicker Bridge between Potsdam and West Berlin.

I suggest we come to a similar arrangement whereby those who are clearly unhappy living in the West are allowed to safely emigrate to a country which matches their world view. There are plenty to choose from.

Clearly, the likes of Anjem Choudhary and his henchmen are effectively ‘transculturalists’ trapped in a western bodies. I mean, come on… The funny clothes alone are a giveaway! We need to offer them the chance to liberate themselves from this bondage and to fulfil their destiny.

So, it strikes me that the solution is quite simple…

We allow these Islamists to take up citizenship of an Islamic country – Sunni or Shia, according to their choice – and, in turn, we offer a citizen of their chosen destination country the chance to move here in exchange. There are plenty of people who would jump at the chance.

This has several positives:

  1. Nobody can be accused of racism. In fact, since many Islamists are home-grown and we would be letting a foreigner of different race into our country, quite the opposite. Even better, let white converts to Islam be first in line, since converts are often the most pious and we don’t want to discriminate along racial lines.
  2. The Islamist gets to finally feel happy in their skin, like a transsexual who has undergone gender-reassignment surgery and feels at peace. It must be tough for them, after all, having to live a lie in the hell of a western liberal democracy.
  3. Those who are oppressed in Islamic countries (apostates, women, atheists, homosexuals, or other religious groups) get to move to a liberal democratic country more in line with their values and aspirations.
  4. Since the evidence suggests that many of these Islamists are low academic achievers and stuck in poverty and on benefits, which is often the justification for their ostracism advanced by their apologists, they would still start off relatively wealthy in many of their destination countries and would cease to be a drain on our country, freeing up space for their productive ‘exchange partner’.
  5. We offer an ambitious person stuck in an Islamic backwater the opportunity to start a new life as a positive contributor to a society in a liberal democracy… and there are millions who would jump at the opportunity.
  6. Our Islamist ‘exports’ would no longer have to put up with the hell of living in a haram society and could fulfil their destiny in any one of the many Islamic Utopias around the planet.
  7. We, who value secular values, would no longer have to put up with the endless whining of Islamists and concessions made to their faith, which nobody other than the more extreme factions of their communities and indigenous, multi-culti, useful idiots are demanding.
  8. The destination country could welcome a citizen more in tune with its values. For instance, Saudi Arabia could rid itself of persona non grata, Raif Badawi: a blogger recently sentenced to 1,000 lashes (to be administered in weekly bouts of 50 lashes), a ten year prison sentence, and a fine of one million riyals, for insulting Islam. This would save them the cost of imprisoning him and all that hard, physical labour involved in having to lash him every week over 20 weeks: assuming he survives that long, of course.
  9. Cartoonists would be free to draw what they like, and, since our Islamist buddies would have no knowledge of this, having forgone all western, haram technology – notably the microchips in most devices which originate in Israel – they would be blissfully unaware of any offence to their god or prophet. They could leave vengeance for such offences to their omnipotent and omniscient god and save themselves the bother of having to avenge on his/her behalf, which in itself is quite insulting to their deity.

Agreed? Great! Let’s make a start… the Bosphorous Bridge next Friday?

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